If Alcohol Tasted Like Mangoes, I Would Be An Alcoholic.

Mango_and_cross_section_edit wikipedia
Mangoes! photo: wikipedia.com

I am an introvert who once in a while, decides to leave the house to spend quality time with friends; sometimes under duress, other times of my own free will. I am often the resident ‘goody two-shoes’ when I’m with them. I must say that this title is not one I would give to myself. If I were to give myself a title, it would be ‘queen of everything’ or something equally exciting. Anyway, the ‘goody two-shoes’ title bestowed on me is due to the fact that I do not drink alcohol.


I do not like alcohol. I do not think about alcohol. When I am planning a get-together, for instance, my drinks list would look like this: juice, soft drinks, malt drinks, and water. Sometimes as an afterthought, I would reluctantly add ‘beer or wine’ so that I would not have to endure the pained looks of guests if I were to announce that there was no alcohol at my get-together.


I first tasted alcohol as a child; I was probably seven or eight years old at the time. Someone was drinking beer at a family gathering and asked me if I wanted a sip. My first instinct was to say no, but my curiosity got the best of me. I took a sip…and was sorely disappointed. ‘Is that it?’ I thought. I couldn’t understand it…this vile, bitter-tasting substance was what I always saw adults drinking with such delight and excitement? Ewww!


Years later, as an adult, I tasted champagne. I was again, very disappointed. To me, it was a bottled version of what I assumed urine tasted like. I was in fact more interested by the beauty and shape of the champagne glasses than in the champagne itself.


‘You will like this one, surely!’ I was told, when sometime afterwards, I was given a glass of Baileys’ Irish Cream to taste. I was filled with hope as I took a sip. ‘Gosh!’ I thought. ‘This must be what expired milk tastes like’. Ewww!


I have tasted different varieties of alcoholic cocktail drinks. I have tasted Gordon Sparks and Smirnoff Ice, both drinks which people guaranteed would make me cross over to the alcohol side. I still wasn’t impressed.


They all tasted bitter to me.


It does not mean that I have any issues with people who drink alcohol. Drink and be merry, I say! Drink, as long as it’s done in moderation. My brief time in England and what I saw happen in city centres on Friday nights was a lesson that ‘less is more’ when it comes to alcohol’. The drunkenness, the vomiting on the street and the unruly behaviour were sights to behold.


I would say however, that even if alcohol had no logic-impairing properties, or if it turned out that alcohol was refined in such a way that drinking ten bottles of beer would not make me a drunken mess, I still would not drink it.


It is just not sweet to me.


So that’s it. That is why I do not drink alcohol-because it is neither tasty nor delicious to me. It is not for religious reasons or for ‘holier-than-thou’ reasons. Alcohol does not elicit joy and delight for me, in the way, for instance, mangoes would do for me.


Ah, mangoes…


How I love mangoes! As I am writing this, I am quite annoyed that mangoes are not currently in season. I love mangoes for their sweetness, their succulence and their variety:
• The green ‘sucking’ mangoes,
• The wonderfully large mangoes that can only be eaten with dignity after cutting them up with a knife,
• The small mangoes which leave strands in your teeth.


I love all of them. I love mango in juice form. I have never had mango-flavoured ice cream, but I imagine that it tastes delightful.


Now, if alcohol tasted like mangoes, I would buy it in crates and in cartons. I would drink it in the morning with my breakfast. I would have a bottle of it with my lunch. I would have some sips of it with my pre-dinner snack. I would have several glasses of it with my dinner. I would have a bonus glass of it with my dessert.


Perhaps it is a good thing that alcohol tastes like alcohol. The level at which I would have consumed it would probably have gotten out of hand.


Who knows, maybe a day would come when my colleagues at work would wonder where I disappeared to, not knowing that if they had just checked under my desk, they would have found me, taking an alcohol-induced nap while hugging a bottle of wine.


My family and close friends would have had to stage an intervention by now, to rescue me from my mango-flavoured stupor.


PS I recently tried mango-flavoured Smirnoff Ice…it was alright, but not sweet enough.Would I order it the next time I go out? Probably not lol


  1. I don’t drink alcohol either. It isn’t because I don’t like the taste in fact I like the taste of Modelo Especial with lime, Budlight Platinum, Seagram’s Jamaican Me Happy, and there are some stouts that have a hint of coffee taste that I like when my husband and I visit Brewing Companies (he is a beer connoisseur). I can appreciate the taste of a lot of beer but I am physically unable to. Apparently those of Asian descent tend to lack the enzymes needed to help digest alcohol. I can never truly feel what it’s like to have a “buzz”. …but mangoes yes I love mangoes. If we were friends we so could have a mango party. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yes. Alcohol is an acquired taste. It is not essential for life. You don’t have to indulge in it if it doesn’t go well with you. I, however, do not have a favorite fruit. I love different fruits for different reasons. Pawpaw (papaya), bananas, lime, oranges, avocado remind me of my father. He ate at least one of these everyday that I knew him. Guavas, tangerines and apples are also up there with the rest. Mangoes are in a class of their own. I don’t know the different species of mangoes available in Nigeria but I will eat any mango I see. I don’t believe I can ever eat only one mango. There should be a law against that. Crunchy pawpaw is another fruit I enjoy. The trick is knowing just the right time to peel and eat it. It is possible to eat pawpaw elegantly but I am yet to see how elegantly one can eat mango and really enjoy it. Do let’s have a mango party and try out to win a prize for the most elegant mango eater!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’ve always wondered why people love it so much, another reason why I feel odd 😄. Something that tastes horrible should be thrown into the trash😄. What happened to mangoes or pineapple or yoghurts? Unless an alcoholic drink is made that taste like either of those, I will not subject myself to it😄. Unfortunately, my look says otherwise. A Mango party will be nice😄

    Liked by 1 person

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